I’ve had a day and it isn’t even noon! A homeless guy . . . Oh, excuse me, we’re not allowed to refer to those roaming on the streets as “homeless! An unHOUSED person (as if that’s any better), clad in filthy, dirty, threadbare pajama bottoms and an equally filthy, dirty, multiply-stained t-shirt approached me on my way into Von’s. I know he muttered something to me, but I kept my eyes fixed on whatever was straight ahead of me (I can’t tell you what it was because I was peripherally looking at the BUM (Yes, that’s exactly what he is . . . A mentally deranged BUM), as I intentionally entered to store. I gathered everything that was on my list, checked out at the self-check-out booth, bagged my purchases, loaded them in my car and proceeded home. “Change battery in Ignition Key” instructed my dashboard. Well, o.k., but WHICH key is the ignition key? I have a key fob, sure, but there is also a stationary key that remains IN THE IGNITION SLOT that I was told my the sales agent to NEVER remove! Reticent to ask Carl for help because past experience has taught me NOT to!! He always says, “have you read the Owner’s Manual?” every time I had asked him for help in the past. Yep. My “asking for help” REALLY means “would you do it for me” but he has yet to decipher that code. So . . . Like the self-sufficient woman I am, after all groceries were put away, I consulted the Owner’s Manual. Again, past experience has proven that anyone able to understand the text in an owner’s manual has at least a bachelor’s degree in engineering but most probably an advanced degree! So . . . I scanned the index and turned to page 21 . . . Replacing the ignition key. “Great!” I thought, “here it is! I can DO this!” Instruction #1: Carefully lever off the cover of the fuse panel with a suitable object (e.g. screwdriver) and remove it. Fuse panel? I looked at the accompanying picture for Instruction #1 and saw that I had to remove a piece of leather-coated plastic from the side of the dashboard . . . Carefully . . . With a suitable object, e.g. a screwdriver! I knew I was in over my head, but I was determined to figure out the task at hand! Once I “carefully removed” the side panel, I moved on to Instruction #2: Unclip metal hook A. (I noticed that there were TWO metal hooks, one being an Allen wrench and the other being something else with which I was entirely unfamiliar! I opted for the Allen wrench. I mean, why not? I at least KNEW what that was! Feeling accomplished, I moved on to Instruction 3: Use metal hook A to remove the plastic cover B from the ignition lock. Again, I found it necessary but not particularly helpful to look at the accompanying picture for Instruction 3. There was no hole for the Allen wrench. I rechecked Instruction 3 and saw that it continued onto the next page. “Take care not to lose plastic cover B.” O.K., I won’t lose plastic cover B if/when I can figure out how to insert the Allen wrench into whatever hole wasn’t there whenever I found it! “Hmmmm . . . “ I thought, “maybe the Allen wrench isn’t what I need. MAYbe it’s that other little thing!” Yep! Unknown Tool B worked, but in the process of “removing plastic cover B,” I lost plastic cover B!!!! It’s a tiny, tiny, TINY little plastic cover B that popped right off when I tugged ever-so-slightly on Unknown Tool B! I had to stop my work to retrieve a flashlight to help me find plastic cover B! Once found, I placed it CAREFULLY to the side in a safe spot. Sweating now, I continued on to Instruction 4: Turn control unit/vehicle key to ignition lock position 0 (initial position). WHAT??? I read it again, then defaulted to looking at the accompanying picture for clarification. Bottom line, Instruction 4 was unnecessary. I didn’t have to do anything to the unit/vehicle key as the car was not running!! Instruction 5: Press metal hook A (O.K., Unknown Tool has a name!!! It’s a metal hook!) Instruction 5 continued: Press metal hook A into opening C. The vehicle key/operating device audibly unlocks. DONE! I gained confidence. Instruction 6: Remove the control unit/vehicle key. I DID IT. BUT . . . To my utter horror, THERE WAS NO BATTERY IN IT!!!!! I took part of the dashboard apart, discovered where the fuses to the car are, learned that there’s an Allen wrench and a Metal Hook inside one of the panels, all for NOTHING!!!! The battery that needed replacing was in the key FOB that I carry in my purse!!!! Why in the world wouldn’t the warning on the dashboard have said, “Change battery in the key fob!” And better yet, why couldn’t it have said, “Change the battery in the key fob that you carry around in your purse (or your pocket if you are a non-birthing person!)