Lots of things annoy me.  I’d never given much thought to my pet peeves before, but lately, it appears that they’re multiplying!  I’ve always been a neatnik, putting everything in its place and making sure that my house is arranged “just so,” so those peeves are long-standing.  They’ve been around for so long that they aren’t really a problem . . . for me, anyway.  My husband, on the other hand, claims otherwise.

“I’m coming right back!” he explains as he sets an empty glass on the kitchen counter, “Don’t wash it and put it away!  I’m going to refill it!”

Or

“I left that book on the chair because I’m READING IT!   Why did you put it back on the bookshelf in the den?”

Yes, admittedly my penchant for neatness can be an issue for those around me.  However, messy, cluttered spaces are not the biggest of my pet peeves.  No, sirree.  What bothers me greatly are errors in punctuation, more specifically errors in apostrophes, and the chronic use of cliches.

Since when, I ask, have apostrophes been used to indicate plural nouns?  Have schools stopped teaching punctuation and usage?  It would appear so.   Eats, Shoot and Leaves, by Lynne Truss (2003), illustrates quite clearly how the rules of punctuation in modern society have been relaxed, so much so, that meaning is obscured.  In 2019, Benjamin Dreyer wrote Dreyer’s English, An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style, explaining punctuation with great wit and humor.  Perhaps if these types of books were used in classrooms as required textbooks, the written word would be clear, succinct and unmistakably intelligible.  Until then, however, we will continue to be bombarded with errors such as:

The cracker’s in the pantry are stale.

Then phone’s started ringing off the hook’s!

They store their golf club’s in the garage.

Ugh!  Can you just hear fingernails scratching down a chalkboard?  

Parents, make sure your kid’s don’t forget to bring their baseball mitt’s to practice.

This is particularly annoying since the adult writing this reminder should know better!  Have schools been failing us for longer than suspected?  Oh!  STOP the bleeding!  

With blatant errors like these going unchecked, uncorrected and unnoticed, I worry about the future of the English language.  I absolutely refuse to use the shortened versions of words in text messages, too.  With spelling and punctuation errors already at crisis level, I cannot contribute to the accepted usage of shorthand English.  One will never read “C U later,” or “btw” or “omg” in my texts.  Correct spelling and usage prevails on my smartphone!

While incorrect grammar and usage are two of my greatest pet peeves, the one that sits at the forefront even more is the use of cliches.  Have people become so reliant on catchphrases and buzzwords that they can’t come up with their own colorful descriptions?  Are they simply THAT lazy?  While these boilerplate sayings are heard every day and everywhere, it is the evening News talking heads that I believe are the biggest offenders. Not even five minutes into the programs, I feel like turning off the television.

“It’s been baked in the cake!” we hear over and over and over.

“The report was finally released and it turned out to be a NOTHING BURGER!” (Is there such a thing as a ‘Nothing Burger?’  It might have been cute the first couple times you said it!  Now it’s just annoying!  STOP IT!) 

“At the end of the day, he’s going to  . . . . ”  (Excuse me!  We’re AT the end of the day!  Tell us what he’s going to do!)

“Don’t kid yourself . . . this is just the calm before the storm!”  (Stop spinning this.  We’re NOT kidding ourselves.  We just can’t trust what we hear from you guys!)

“Buckle up . . . we’ve got a lot to report tonight on the Fake News Media Mob!”  (Buckle up?  Fake News Media Mob?  Aren’t YOU part of it, too?)  

“Let not your heart be troubled . . . .” (Sorry, Bub . . . too late!  I’m troubled.  VERY troubled!) 

Before I work myself up into a frenzy in addressing these issues, all I ask is that you please don’t pet my peeves!