Some time ago, probably going on ten years now, a friend declared that once women reach their sixties, they become invisible.  The once-enjoyed whistles and catcalls as they sashayed down sidewalks have faded, there are fewer and fewer furtive double-takes as they enter restaurants and other public venues and there are certainly no spontaneous introductions from would-be suitors enamored by their stunning beauty.  Of course, while it is acknowledged that those flirtatious forms of flattery have faded into ancient history,  it is wrong to believe that women in their silver years have vaporized into the realm of irrelevance!    They still garner attention, all right, but it is subtly punctuated with thinly veiled empathy and pity.

Silver Foxes privately recognize certain signs of aging and we readily support the industries that soften those harsh realities.  After all, aging is to be expected.  We know it’s coming, and we are prepared.  EyeBobs struck the Mother Lode with their playful take on our need for reading glasses.  Always fashion forward and a little bit sassy, these eyeglass frames are a must-have accessory for any outfit!  With names like Board Stiff, You Go Goyle, P. Body, Barbee Q., Fizz Ed, Not Tonight, Three Wood and Five Wood, it is no wonder that selecting only one pair is next to impossible.  The colors and shapes are as varied and outlandish as the names.  What was once looked upon as transitioning into old age and a rocking chair is now a hip fashion statement.  Whether just beginning to need the 1.0 or the higher intensity 2.5 lenses, there is a wide variety of frames from which to choose with no shame or embarrassment attached.  Cosmetics companies, too, have capitalized on our desire to stay relevant.  Products designed to reduce the appearance of wrinkles, dark circles under the eyes and sagging skin flood the market.  Face masks, scrubs, creams and entire beauty regimens range in price to accommodate every woman’s pocketbook.   Open any drawer in a Fox’s boudoir and you’ll find tubes, jars and bottles of Refresh, Redefine, Refine, Crepe Erase, Oil of Olay and Plexiderm Rapid Reduction among a plethora of similar products.  We’ve approached this phase of our lives fully prepared and have filled our arsenals.  MagicBax earring backs lift our sagging ear lobes, boosting our studs back into perfect position.  Our copies of Charla Krupp’s best-seller, How Not to Look Old, are dog-eared, underlined and highlighted.  Far be it from any of us to unwittingly look our ages!  Long gone are our holiday sweaters, our mommy necklaces, our souvenir T-shirts, shoulder pads, muumuus, photo handbags, penny loafers, baggy sweats, pantyhose (especially those with control tops and reinforced toes!), and three-piece suits with vests!  More forbidden items for all of us who want to look effortlessly chic and classy are ankle bracelets, belly necklaces, body piercings, Daisy dukes, tube tops (not a problem!), leg warmers, multiple ear piercings, go-go boots, low-riding jeans (again, NOT a problem!), newsboy caps and scrunchies.  Instead, our wardrobe essentials include quality gold hoop earrings, diamond stud earrings (definitely NOT a problem!), a classic watch, sleek black heels, a sparkly evening clutch, quality leather bag for day, nude heels, black and brown knee-high boots, black- and brown-heeled shoe booties, black, brown, navy and gray opaque tights, black, brown, gold and silver belts and a chunky chain necklace.  I don’t quite understand the absolute ban on brightly colored lingerie in favor of strictly white or beige bras and panties, but if doing so keeps me from looking old, I’m all in!

It’s one thing for we Silver Foxes to recognize and address our individual maintenance issues, but it is quite another for others to notice.  Doctors’ comments and questions, always blunt and intrusive to begin with, are increasingly uncomfortable.  They scrutinize every inch of our bodies more thoroughly; they track the appearance of age spots, they pry into the most intimate details of our relationships and they offer pharmaceutical remedies for a variety of age-related afflictions.  A routine visit to the breast imaging center for an annual mammogram is never a walk in the park, but this year’s appointment  was worse.

“Good Morning, Hon!  Welcome!” greeted the young pony-tailed receptionist, looking like she’d barely graduated high school, “Here is some paperwork that you’ll need to update for us if you don’t mind.”

“Hon?”  Who is SHE to call me “Hon”?  Oh well . . . just fill out the papers and be done with her.

After checking all the boxes and signing and dating the forms, I returned the clipboard.

“Thank you, Hon,” sang the cheery patronizing clerk, “just give me a minute to review these and . . . oh! I need to make a copy of your insurance card and ID, please . . . your driver’s license if you have it.”

Thinking nothing of the customary request, I presented the required documents.  Rather than proceeding with her photocopying, Little Miss I-Can-Call-You-Hon studied my driver’s license, alternately glancing up at me as if I’d given her something fraudulent.

“Is everything o.k.,” I asked, betraying more annoyance than I’d intended.

“Oh, yes,” she replied quickly, “I was just noticing how good you look in person, what with your DOB and all!  You still look pretty good!  Well done!”

Wow!  Did she just say that?! My D.O.B.???  Well done??? I sure didn’t see THAT coming!

I didn’t quite know how to react!  I suppose I should have been flattered that I “still look pretty good,” but wasn’t it rude for her to even say ANYTHING?

And that’s when I started noticing that women in their sixties are neither invisible nor irrelevant.

Who doesn’t love People magazine?  Everybody who’s anybody appears in multiple issues.  The general public keeps track of Hollywood royalty, rock-n-roll royalty, television and news anchor royalty and, of course, British royalty in issue after issue after issue.  We know everything there is to know about the Kardashians, how many times they’ve been married, betrayed, reconciled, had cosmetic surgery, stood by their cheating significant others through multiple stints in rehab facilities and how the sisters (and even Caitlin Jenner) stick together when yet another infidelity is exposed.  It’s really quite riveting . . . until all of a sudden it’s not.

“Hmmmm . . .” I wonder as I pick up the most recent issue at the checkout counter in the grocery store, “Christina El Moussa’s on the cover.” ‘From Heartbreak to Happiness’ underscores her glossy photo.  “Who’s SHE?”

I toss the magazine in my basket anyway, thinking that I’d better stay current with the times.  After all, I didn’t really feel that out-of-touch since a small, round photo of England’s newest princess, Megan Markle, appeared in the upper right hand corner of the cover.  At least I knew Megan.  Who wouldn’t?  Every beauty salon in the greater Los Angeles area is offering special facials, calling them the Markle Sparkle!  I felt better yet when I read about Kate Middleton and Prince William’s impending baptism of their youngest son, Prince Louis Arthur Charles.  I knew who they were, too.  However, as I flipped page after page, not recognizing most of the celebrities on the “Who Wore It Best” section, I got a little nervous.

“Uh oh,” I thought, “who ARE these people?”

Gabrielle Union, pictured in a scanty bikini, smiled coyly above the caption: on an oceanside stroll while vacationing with husband, Dwyane Wade.  Jason Derulo flexed for the camera at a music festival in Malta, and Liev Schreiber and girlfriend Taylor Neisen suited up for some surfing in the Hamptons.

“<GASP!> Don’t know these guys either!”  

A quick flip to the next page showed Gwyneth Paltrow and Kourtney Kardashian with their respective boyfriends.

“O.K., Phew!”  I reassured myself, “I know these guys!  I’ve never heard of either one of their boyfriends before, but . . . that doesn’t matter!  I’m good.  I know Gwyneth and Kourtney!”

A few more pages later, and recognizing Buzz Lightyear, Tim Allen, Ray Romano and Angelina Jolie, my belief that I  was ‘ still current’ grew.

“Wow! Look at Donny and Marie Osmond!” I said to myself at the turn of the next page, “Geez, they look so OLD!” “And look at Ben Affleck!  ‘Spending Summer with His Girlfriend,” I read, “Jennifer Garner did the absolute right thing by kicking him out!  Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater!”

It wasn’t until I got to the ‘Passages’ section that it hit me:  I knew more names under the Death, Retiring and Remembering columns than I did anywhere else!  I did NOT see that coming!

“O.K.,” I consoled myself, “that’s to be expected.  You’re reading this magazine to keep current, so DO IT!  Start remembering that Justin Bieber just got engaged to Hailey Baldwin after only 3 weeks of dating Hailey Baldwin.  And yes, Hailey Baldwin IS Alec Baldwin’s daughter! And no, Selena Gomez does NOT care!”  

Groceries unpacked and put away, I headed out to my core training class.  All in an effort to keep fit, stay healthy and improve my range of movement, I joined a barre studio and attend classes three to five times each week.  I keep up with the pace of the exercises, admittedly not as flexible as some of the others in the class, but if pressed, I could perform head to head with just about any of them.  I particularly enjoy Katrina’s classes.  An aspiring actress clearly in her mid- to late-thirties, she motivates her students, joking constantly and relating funny things about herself, her frustration with not finding Mr. Right and deciding to settle down with her two dogs who adore her unconditionally.

“Ten more, Everybody! C’mon!” she ordered, “You’re welcome!  I know you’re gonna thank me for this later, so . . . you’re welcome!”

As she counted down, my heartbeat pumped up.  I pushed on, determined not to give up.

“Don’t quit now, you guys!  Ten more . . . I KNOW you can do it!  After all, we don’t want to look all hunched over by the time we’re 60 now, do we?”

WHAT DID I JUST HEAR?!!!  AM I THE OLDEST ONE IN THESE CLASSES?   I never looked around to assess the approximate ages of the others in the class, but now that Katrina mentioned it, I quickly took stock, realizing that I probably was!

“Hey!” I blurted out intentionally loud enough for EVERYONE to hear, “I’m right here and I can still hear!”

“And we’re SOOOOOO proud of you,” Katrina sang into the microphone strapped onto a headset, “If you want to take a break or finish the reps against a barre, go ahead! We’re here for you and we support whatever you want to do!  You’re a good role model for us, you know!”

WHOA!! I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!!  What COULD have been taken as an insult ended up being a boost to my silver-aged ego!  “I’m their role model!  Who knew?!!!”  

Now that I’m more and more aware of the insensitive comments by others about my age, I readily accept them as validation of my high visibility and relevance.  I don’t color my hair, I have no intention of undergoing any cosmetic surgery to tighten my face, lift or enhance any of my body parts, and I LOVE being a true Silver Fox.

I did NOT see that coming!