“There once was a girl from Nantucket . . .”

Ya, ya, ya . . . we’ve all heard that limerick and others almost like it.  Funny, clever, entertaining,  but oh so limited in available rhyming words.   Now that St. Patrick’s Day is almost upon us, perhaps some effort should be made toward crafting a few original new limericks.  They’re not easy . . . with the AABBA rhyme pattern!

As I sat, twirling my pen in my hand and trying to think not only of clever topics for limericks but also racking my brain for suitable rhymes, I looked down at my dog.  Instantly he became my muse:

There once was a dog named Rusty

Who rolled in the dirt and got dusty

Chasing gophers and rabbits

Were two of his habits

He mustn’t be crazy, or must he?

O.K.!  There!  That wasn’t so hard, was it.  Let’s do another one!  Hmmmmm . . . . what about?   The morning News broadcast droned in the background . . . something about the plight of the homeless in Los Angeles . . .

There once was a man in the city

Upon whom all took great pity

He lived by himself

Like a lost little elf

Such a shame ’cause he really was witty!

Who knew that the News could inspire a limerick!  (Now, looking out the window into the back yard garden . . .)

There once was a bee that flew by

With quite a big tear in his eye

He lost all his honey

And didn’t have money

Which gave him great reason to cry!

All right!  I’m on a roll!  Let’s keep this going!

There once was a girl named Nell

Whose favors she wanted to sell

She pranced through the town

Made up like a clown

What happened?  Just wait ’til I tell!

I definitely had a groove going now with the AABBA pattern!  But . . . I found myself wanting to know what happened with Nell!  Could I . . . should I . . . DARE I try to write a whole limerick story?  I wouldn’t know unless I tried!  Just what DID happen to Nell?

There was also a man named Bob

Who found lots of people to rob

He came upon Nell

Who screamed, “You go to Hell!”

And with that, she started to sob!

Bob then went home to his wife

Where the two of them shared a sad life

They had no friends at all

and no lower to fall

So they lived with their sadness and strife.

Bob’s wife was indeed very smart

Through her brain ideas would dart

She got a new job

Couldn’t WAIT to tell Bob

She sold apples in town from a cart!

It was Paddy who sold her the cart

He had a big ol’ true Irish heart

He was kind; he was nice

He asked such a low price

And wished her “good luck” from the start!

Paddy appeared to be tattered and old

From living outside in the cold

His beard was bright red

And the cap on his head

Was outrageously bulky and bold.

He brought luck to people in need

And loved to perform a good deed

He used a shamrock

That he hid in his frock

Lest others take it in greed!

The shamrock’s leaves there were four

Not even one less or one more

The magic, it seemed

Could once be redeemed

By the person that it was meant for!

Paddy knew about Bob and his wife

He decided to rid her of strife

He pulled from his frock

That magic shamrock

To bring her a new way of life.

He then took the cart into town

Once there, he flagged Bob’s wife down

“You’ll be excusin’ me, please,”

(He said on his knees)

“Havin’ THIS there’ll be no reason to frown!”

Bob’s wife took the cart right away!

“But Sir, I’ve no way to pay!”

“Don’t worry, dear lass –

Your hardships will pass

Because this is your big, lucky day!”

In the cart Paddy placed the shamrock

Using the apples and crates as a block

“She can’t know that it’s here –

Lest luck disappear!”

He said in a tone full of shock!

The apples were juicy and good

They sold well in that huge neighborhood

Bob’s wife raked in money

Her life became sunny

As Paddy knew that it would!

Bob’s wife knew her husband was bad

And also that he was a  cad

With her new lease on Life

She brandished a knife

Letting him know she was angry and mad!

“Ya’ don’t take things that don’t b’long to you!

Ya’ didn’t think that I all along knew!

“Get out of this house

You miserable louse!”

Yelling as plates and saucers she threw.

Bob scurried out the front door

He just couldn’t take any more

He went to find Nell

Of his hardship to tell

And found her close to the shore.

“You know I never meant ya no harm!”

He cried as he poured on the charm

But Nell was too wise

And she glared in his eyes

“Get away or I’ll be breakin’ your arm!”

Bob wandered and rambled ‘round town

His sins and misdeeds clamped down

He’d lost his best friend

No fences to mend

He was thrown out of his own hometown.

This happened as Paddy looked on

Pleased that Bob was now gone

His good deed was done

Good Fortune was won

Bob’s wife was no longer a pawn!

Paddy’s shamrock had worked quite well

For Bob’s wife and even for Nell

You’d better watch out

Don’t have one little doubt

The Luck of the Irish is Swell!!